Just read this on Tiny Buddha, logically I believe the first sentence highlighted in yellow to be true, and it's the best way I've seen it written or heard it said. It wasn't who I was, it was what I did! Still, I feel the pain for the loved ones I hurt, but those simple words actually say such a lot to me. Thank you Tiny Buddha!
"Do not punish yourself for past actions. Your past behavior was what you’ve done, but it is not who you are.
Who you are is still unfolding. Mistakes, errors in judgments, and failures all add to our character and value. They make us human and compassionate and wise. To berate yourself for acquiring these valuable qualities is wrong, so stop it. A new beginning starts today".
I'm not saying I will ever stop feeling guilty, because that's unrealistic, but I do believe it's not who I am to have caused all that hurt, it was something I did when in the grips of my addiction to alcohol.
I'm ashamed of what I did, I feel so much guilt and hate for what I did, but it wasn't and isn't who I am.
I wanted so much better for my children than I had, I wanted their lives to be perfect, to feel loved, to grow up feeling secure and everything every parent wants for their children. I wanted that for them, but all I can do now is try to improve each day, be here for them now. However much I would give to go back and do it all again right, I can't, so all I can do is try the best I can now.
What I can say is, I don't know how they did it, but I'm super proud to say they all turned out to be fine, loving, and giving people, they are truly awesome as they tread their own path through life. Love you my family xxx