Thursday 24 February 2011

Morning Routine

My morning routine is pretty  .. err routine, yes it is.

I read somewhere, can't remember where, that morning routines are pretty useful.  I'm not sure if they are or not, but here is mine.

After waking, I use a Dlux vitamin D spray.


This was recommended by our health food shop, it certainly does feel fresh and gives your waking moments a zing.  I then check emails and Internets, because, of course, I'm very important and have to keep in touch with world developments, well, at least the latest celeb updates on the trashy Daily Fail.

I like to have a banana then as it's more or less the only fruit I like, followed by my children's chewable multi vitamins, because I can't swallow tablets!  They're not 'my' children's vitamins, you understand, I wouldn't take their vitamins from their mouths, they are general children's vitamins, sold at Tesco and all other money grabbing establishments.  Now I'm all confused with the apostrophe's, damn the English language!

This is all washed down with a nice fresh glass of water.


I'd like to add to that with a bit of exercise that I've neglected since Christmas, so from now on I'm going to try to add in my time on the treadmill to my morning routine.

Watch this space.

Saturday 19 February 2011

Superb photos of Buddhist Monastries

 

Xuan Kong Monastery, China


Many more fabulous photo's here!

Possibilities?

50 ways to open up your world from Tiny Buddha! 

 As one of the comments says, try one a week and see what opens up in your world.  

Just FEEL!!

Full version at  Tiny Buddha

If you have a high EIQ, you likely regulate your emotions well; handle uncertainties and difficulties without excessive panic, stress, and fear; and avoid overreacting to situations before knowing the full details.

Some Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence:


1. Understand what emotional intelligence looks like.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements to EI:  

Self awareness, self regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

This means you understand what’s going on in your head and heart; you don’t make hasty decisions on impulse; you can motivate yourself to delay gratification; you listen to, understand, and relate to other people well; and you’re able to focus on other people.

2. Use meditation to regulate emotions.

3. Take an honest look at your reactions.

Do you frequently jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts?

Do you need other people’s approval to feel comfortable in your own skin? 

Do you assume you know what other people feel and take responsibility for that?

Do you freak out over stressful situations, blaming other people, getting hard on yourself, and panicking over possible consequences?

4. Practice observing your feelings and taking responsibility for them.

It’s not always easy to understand a feeling when it happens, especially if you think you shouldn’t feel it; but forget about should. Instead, try to pinpoint exactly what you feel—scared, frustrated, worried, ashamed, agitated, angry—and then pinpoint what might be the cause. Reserve all judgment.

Simply find the cause and effect, i.e.: your employer seemed unhappy with your work, so now you feel stressed, or your significant other expressed dissatisfaction, so now you feel scared. Anytime you feel something uncomfortable that you’d rather avoid, put a magnifying glass on it.

Once you know what you feel, you can now challenge both the cause and the effect.



Learn to Sit with Negative Feelings

Even if you reframe a situation to see things differently, there will be times when you still feel something that seems negative. While not every situation requires panic, sometimes our feelings are appropriate for the events going on in our lives.

We are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel. If we lose someone, we’re allowed to hurt. If we hurt someone, we’re allowed to feel guilty. If we make a mistake, we’re allowed to feel regretful. Positive thinking can be a powerful tool for happiness, but it’s more detrimental than helpful if we use it to avoid dealing with life.

Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.


That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass.

No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.

Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.

 Create Situations for Positive Feelings

This is the last part of the puzzle. As I mentioned before, we tend to be more reactive than active, but that’s a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel.

We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our own inner world.

We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that before struggling with whether or not to say not to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class.

If your greatest passion is writing, [just write]. If you daydream about being a musician, start recording.


Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it.

We need to do the things we love—or as Sonya Derian phrased it: make feeling good our new religion.

Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to.

Still, we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.

Thursday 17 February 2011

Feel the Fear and Act Anyway!

Change means reinvention. Each time a major shift happens in our lives—leaving a job or a relationship, moving, losing a loved one—we have to take control of who we will become or risk never reaching our full potential.

When I’ve waited for my future to find me, I’ve waited in vain, lost in confusion and sadness, or I’ve gotten tangled up in a situation I didn’t want.

One morning, after struggling for months with grief and loss, I woke up and realized that I was having so much trouble moving forward partly because I had no idea what it was that I wanted to move towards.

I was thinking about my past, but not what I wanted for my future.

Create a vision for your future

Imagine how it will feel to be in that new place. Picture the sun coming up behind your future, the warm glow of the light on your face.

Write about your reinvention.

Imagine a scene from it, or write about how you’d like it to play out. Where are you living? What do you do in the mornings, afternoon, evenings? Who are your friends? What do you spend your days doing?

Now that you have a vision of your future, break it up into workable tasks


Every day, go back to that vision of you walking towards your future.

Ask yourself this: “What can I do in this moment to keep moving forward?”

Then, no matter what you feel in the moment—lonely, self-critical, tired, lazy, or disappointed—do something to maintain momentum, even if it’s one small thing.

There’s an old adage that says that true courage isn’t about not feeling fear; it’s about feeling fear and acting anyway.

Choose courage instead of letting your fear choose your future for you.


Read more of this on Tinybuddha 

Wednesday 16 February 2011

Que Sera Sera

“Believe nothing no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha

Sometimes it seems to me that we are collectively obsessed with expert advice.

But when it comes to the decisions we need to make for ourselves, the experts can easily become a crutch.

But no expert can provide that answer. Sometimes there isn’t an answer, and there won’t be until we act and then learn the consequences of our choices. 

It happens all the time in the modern world.

You see a self-help book from a best-selling author and assume it’s a ground-breaking resource before even reading it. Or you see an eBook priced at $97 and assume it must be a valuable tool. Or someone offers you something for free and, in the end, you devalue it—if it costs nothing, it doesn’t appear to be worth something.

The value we attribute to people and things isn’t always an accurate reflection of the value they can offer us—particularly when we’re looking for answers to avoid the pain of acknowledging there aren’t any.

At the end of the day, we need to know when we know all we can, and then we need to act and own that choice.

All the good advice in the world won’t change that the future is unpredictable, and even counsel from an expert with a wall full of degrees can’t guarantee a specific outcome.

The experts don’t have all the answers. Sometimes there aren’t any absolute answers. More often than not the real answer is that we have to use our own instincts and common sense and accept that what will be, will be.


From Tiny Buddha 

Sunday 13 February 2011

Just nice!

Love old pots and wood.  Nice reminder of spring coming!

Sunday 6 February 2011

Beautiful sunset!

It's Not Who I Am

 Just read this on Tiny Buddha, logically I believe the first sentence highlighted in yellow to be true, and it's the best way I've seen it written or heard it said.  It wasn't who I was, it was what I did!  Still, I feel the pain for the loved ones I hurt, but those simple words actually say such a lot to me.  Thank you Tiny Buddha!

"Do not punish yourself for past actions. Your past behavior was what you’ve done, but it is not who you are.

Who you are is still unfolding. Mistakes, errors in judgments, and failures all add to our character and value. They make us human and compassionate and wise. To berate yourself for acquiring these valuable qualities is wrong, so stop it. A new beginning starts today".

I'm not saying I will ever stop feeling guilty, because that's unrealistic, but I do believe it's not who I am to have caused all that hurt, it was something I did when in the grips of my addiction to alcohol.

I'm ashamed of what I did, I feel so much guilt and hate for what I did, but it wasn't and isn't who I am.

I wanted so much better for my children than I had, I wanted their lives to be perfect, to feel loved, to grow up feeling secure and everything every parent wants for their children.  I wanted that for them, but all I can do now is try to improve each day, be here for them now.  However much I would give to go back and do it all again right, I can't, so all I can do is try the best I can now.

What I can say is, I don't know how they did it, but I'm super proud to say they all turned out to be fine, loving, and giving people,  they are truly awesome as they tread their own path through life.  Love you my family xxx

You're Perfect Just As You Are!

 From Tiny Buddha

There’s nothing wrong with me.

And there’s nothing wrong with you.


Here’s how I know both of these statements are true:

You’re playing the game of life as best you know how, and trying to get better every day. You can’t possibly do someone else’s best, so there’s no point in stressing about it.

You make mistakes like everyone else, which allows you to learn as you go. That means you’re doing what you should be.

You’re unique, whether you’re introverted or outgoing, book smart or street smart, creative or technical—the list goes on and on. You’re the world’s only opportunity to know a person just like you. The only hope to share what only you can.

There’s no such thing as the way you should be. If you do what you enjoy and don’t harm other people, you’re living a beautiful life.

You will never become someone—you are someone right now, whether you influence millions of people or mean the world to just one person. Your impact is powerful, whether you realize it or not.

If someone hurts you, you don’t deserve it. No one does. End of conversation.

You feel emotions and respond to them. That’s the way this whole humanity things works. If you could stand to improve the way you respond, newsflash: you’re still like everybody else.

You have a pulse right now, and it’s your choice what you do with it. There’s no right or wrong answer. (Unless what you want is to maim a puppy or something equally perverse.)

You choose what you think is best, or else you wouldn’t choose it. As you get new information and grow stronger and smarter, you’ll make different choices.

You are beautiful, inside and out.

I Can Choose.

From Tiny Buddha.
 
I thought I was okay with it, but I was damaged.

I realized somewhere in my late 20s that it affected me. I felt an intense emptiness inside. I’d become sad at times for no reason. I’d feel like crying but couldn’t.

I tended to lean towards the negative. The future always seemed uncertain and scary.

It influenced relationships in ways I didn’t realize until recently.

It impacted my ability to express emotions because I’d decided that being strong meant holding them in. I wouldn’t have been able to write this a year ago.

I managed to make it to the age of 29 without having my heart broken; in fact, I was only 5 months away from 30 when it happened. It was a traumatic experience for me, probably because it was the first time.

The abandonment aspect was hardest part. I was depressed. I felt certain that something was wrong with me. I blamed myself. I hated myself. My confidence and trust were shaken. I felt abandoned. I thought I would never recover. I felt damaged yet again.

Some time later I reconnected with someone I dated briefly in college

I tried to hold on too tight to feel a sense of control. Eventually she felt suffocated and broke up with me.

It was a self-fulfilling prophecy really—I lost her because I was afraid I would.

Now comes the good bit, we can all change, we all have the CHOICE.

The break-up hasn’t been easy, but I’ve managed better than I could have ever imagined.

I started writing in a journal every day to get through it and understand myself better

I started making a list of things I would learn from the break-up.

“I can choose what affects me.”

By the time I finished the list those words lingered. I repeated them over and over out loud. Every time I said them I felt more powerful. I felt more control over my life. I repeated different variations of the theme:

I can choose what affects me.

I can choose to not be damaged.

I can choose to not be afraid.

I can choose to not let this break-up depress me.

I can choose to look at mistakes as learning experiences.

I can choose to be confident.

I can choose to be happy.

I can choose to feel loved.

I can choose.


Every time I said a phrase I felt a chill in my body. Tears started flowing, but I wasn’t really crying. It felt like they were escaping; like I was letting go of this deep sadness I’ve carried for so long.

It was an awakening: a healing. It was one of the most significant and amazing experiences in my life.

I wrote the words “I can choose” on my hand as a reminder. They give me the power to take control of my life. Every morning I write them again. Eventually I won’t need a visual reminder.

Whenever I feel my thoughts become negative I look at my hand and remember that it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to be slaves to our pasts. We don’t have to go through life with emotional scars.

We don’t have to let negative experiences define us.

We all have power over our lives. It may be difficult to see, but it’s always there. We always have a choice.

Saturday 5 February 2011

Live Life!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. 

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

 Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.  ~anon~

Day Two

Day one of my new vegetarian life consisted of mushroom lasagna, very nice, but I have to admit it was a ready meal, but ..

hold onto your hats, just look at this lean, mean vegetarian machine


It consisted of a jacket potato, mushrooms, leeks, courgettes, peppers, tomatoes and onions, all topped off with grated organic cheese, with a little pesto on the side.  I think I slightly spoilt the healthy value of it by putting a 'leeeetle' too much butter on the potato, but boy was it tasty. The only thing I didn't really like was the pesto.  

The rest of it was delicious.   I found out my wok is missing, so a new one is needed, but all in all a good start.  Everything was organic, and most of what I've bought for my weekly shop is organic and/or free range.


I actually feel much better knowing no animals died or were horribly treated in the making of my dinner.

Friday 4 February 2011

Going Forward from Regret or Guilt

“Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be.” -Marsha Petrie Sue 

It's hard sometimes to move on away from regret and guilt, but what else can we do?  We either sit and wallow in what might have been, or try and learn from our experiences and mistakes, and move forward.  In my opinion it's easier to move forward if you've not hurt anyone else with your mistakes, especially if those are close and loved ones.

I've not learnt how to do that yet, but for others who have made mistakes that have only effected themselves then this piece from Tiny Buddha might show a way forward.

The extract from it below is a little bit like Scientology teachings, they more or less say get everyone out of your life who has or is causing you any problems.  I guess this is a little less extreme, you can distance yourself, but still remain on speaking terms but on 'your' terms, and not theirs.

Think of this as your It’s a Wonderful Life moment.

You’re down on your luck and vulnerable. You have to do some major life restructuring to rebound from whatever you just experienced. Are your friends there for you, offering forgiveness and support—even if it takes them a little time to get there? If not, this may be a perfect time to remove unhealthy relationships from your life.

From Tiny Buddha.

Wednesday 2 February 2011

Veggie and Animal Cruelty

A must read if you're considering becoming vegetarian or vegan, or if you just want more information on human health and animal welfare.  Eating our way to death, literally!

It's not new information or something I didn't already know but I like the way all the information is in one place and how well informed and well written the article is.

I guess this is my next goal, to go completely veggie.  One step at a time.  A slow change of lifestyle, rather than an instant fad switch of diet, which never works, is the way to go.

You're the only one you can fix!

Relationships are easy, zenhabits.

I understand that making time for someone else or giving up some of the things you love or getting your own way create some struggles in life – but once again, relationships are easy.

Perhaps what people who believe relationships are hard work are actually referring to the difficulty of interacting and living with an immature, childish human.

Why would it be hard work to be in relationship with a mature, caring grown up?

First and foremost, marriage is designed to help you grow up. It’s not about happiness. It’s not about becoming more complete, despite what Hollywood and popular press would like you to believe. Marriage is about growing. Happiness will accompany you at times along the way, but it’s not the ultimate goal.

And second: your growth – your responsibility; your spouse’s – theirs. When you keep this in mind you realize that all you can control in a relationship is yourself.

Couple of funny quotes

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
--Unknown


Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.
"The Tower of the Elephant" (1933)
Robert E. Howard